Stills are available for download at https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1vUnmOyBYLb2jvHrljE1D5EPVClwsPGv7?usp=share_link

Brochure is available here.

For more information, contact 98433-73433 or 98415-57983, email chennaiintlqueerfilmfest@gmail.com or visit www.ciqff.org.
The eleventh annual edition of Reel Desires: Chennai International Queer Film Festival will be held at the Goethe-Institut, Chennai, from August 18-20, 2023. Reel Desires features films, shorts and documentaries showcasing sexuality and gender diversity issues. This year’s line-up consists of 30 films from 12 countries, selected via a community-led review process. The principal organisers of CIQFF 2023 are Orinam and Goethe-Institut, working in collaboration with Nirangal Charitable Trust and SAATHII.
On Friday, August 18, the inauguration will be followed by a short performance by Chennai-based drag artist Nethu Nightu Neelambari. Shorts to be screened include Chummy Matrimony (2021), Thine Own Self (2021), That Dark Day (2022), Vaanavil (2022) Stiletto (2023), and Bésame (Kiss Me) (2022). Friday’s feature-length documentary film Who Owns The Sky? (Wem Gehört der Himmel) features interviews with activists from artistic and academic environments in Argentina and Switzerland. They question the validity of enforced hetero norms and their consequences, in response to an innovative Gender Identity Law that was passed in Argentina in 2012. The discussions are embedded and impressively addressed in art activism through performances that centre the body as a political instrument.

Films on Saturday, August 19, will focus on families that queer and trans people are born into, forced into or choose for ourselves. These include Impasse (2022) that features the life of Ashok, an immigrant auto driver from Tamil Nadu, living in Mumbai, who is torn between his life of married respectability with a wife and child, and his desire for men. Binary Error (2022) from Kerala highlights the choice some queer and trans people have to make between their natal families and living their truth. The joyous Russian animation All Men Should Have Shoes (2021) narrates the story of trans guy Herman, whose supportive mother believes that only men’s shoes will help her son complete his social transition. A highlight will be the film-festival premiere of Ekka Dokka Tekka (One Two Three) by Tirthankar Guha Thakurta. In this short, three popular mainstream writings in Bengali literature (Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay and Rabindranath Tagore) are retold through a queer lens set in Kolkata.

Saturday’s film screenings will be followed by a panel discussion Queer Families: Beyond the Marriage Equality Debate. Panelists, who include members of Chennai’s LGBTQIA+ communities and allies, explore the notion of family beyond what is affirmed by our laws, culture, religion, media, and advertisements. The panel discussion assumes relevance in light of the awaited Supreme Court verdict on marriage equality. Following the panel discussion will be a hip-hop party on the roof of Goethe-Institut, with entry limited to 100 persons.
Films to be screened on Sunday, August 20, include Diva, a fan letter to Diva Cat Thy, a Vietnamese trans woman, street food vendor, and performer, who openly shares her life and struggles daily on social media. Oas (Dewdrops) (2022) is the story of two queer women who broke up some time back but are still in love. In Required Reading (2022), a cis, straight-identifying male and a non-binary person fall in love. Will they find the courage to be honest with both themselves and the world? Pussy Cruising (2021) tackles the topic of lesbian cruising in a humorous way and takes viewers on a flirtatious journey between vibrant fantasy and mundane reality. The just-released short documentary Transcending Boundaries (2023) features queer, trans, and intersex activists speaking about struggles for transgender rights in Kerala.
On Sunday evening, the play Neela Bhoomi directed by Tamilarasi R., captures the life of a lesbian couple as they strive to make a home together against all odds.
The closing film is the acclaimed feature Neubau (German, Vietnamese). It follows a trans man Markus, who is torn between his love for his grandmothers in need of care and his longing for urban self- determination in Berlin. When Vietnamese technician Duc enters his life, things become more complicated, as Markus has to decide if he should stay or go.
As LGBTQIA+ collectives in India advocate for inclusive institutions and reduced discrimination, we also work to engender change in hearts and minds, a task substantially more challenging than legal reform. One way we do this is by participating in and producing cultures that reflect both the universality and specificity of our experiences.
Reel Desires: Chennai International Queer Film Festival 2023, curated under this name since 2013, is the latest in a series of over 18 queer-themed film festivals held in Chennai to date, beginning in November 2004. The event is free and open to individuals 18 years and older.
Stills are available for download at https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1vUnmOyBYLb2jvHrljE1D5EPVClwsPGv7?usp=share_link

1. When is the Chennai Rainbow* Pride march?

Chennai’s Rainbow Pride / Self Respect march has been scheduled for 25th of June 2023, the last Sunday of the month, beginning 3:30 pm from Rajarathinam Stadium, Egmore. See the Pride 2023 list of community demands  here

2. What should I do to be a part of the pride parade/pride events?

Just show up on the scheduled date and time at the venue. There is no registration, and there are no tickets.

3. Isn’t holding such a march illegal?

No, and it wasn’t ever illegal. Section 377 (which was read down in 2018 by the Supreme Court of India) did not criminalise people identifying themselves as LGBTI or as allies, and did not criminalise events such as marches, film festivals or other ways in which we exercise our constitutionally guaranteed freedom of expression in a peaceful manner. The Pride organisers in Chennai always obtain police permission for the venue. *Incidentally, the Supreme Court verdict of Sept 7, 2018, has declared that consensual relationship among LGBTIQ+ adults are not criminal.

4. Who organises the pride parade/pride events?

The pride parade and press meets are organised by the umbrella collective called Tamil Nadu Rainbow Coalition. Additionally, one or more member organisations may take a lead in organising other pride events such as cultural events and workshops. The same will be mentioned in the event invite. Orinam is, incidentally, one of the members of the Coalition, and maintains this website on behalf of the Coalition. It is not the sole organiser of the Pride march.

5. This will be my first pride march. I have seen only photographs and videos of pride parades so far. In them, I see that people wear very colourful clothes and accessories. I do not have such clothes and accessories and I am comfortable with my usual way of dressing? Can I turn up as I am?

You are welcome as you are. One of the very purposes of the pride march is to be able to express ourselves and be who we are. No one will judge you for who you are or the clothes you wear. Inclusiveness is our only aim.

6. I am heterosexual. Will my being at Pride cause others to assume I am gay?

The group of people marching at Pride includes many heterosexual supporters, friends, family members and colleagues of LGBT people, allies from other groups and progressive movements, in addition to those from the gay, lesbian, bi, trans, intersex, gender-fluid communities. So, no, your being there should not – in and of itself – cause people to assume you are gay, bi, trans or queer. If you want to emphasise the point of your heterosexuality, consider bringing a placard that says “Straight but not narrow” or “Straight Ally” or “I support LGBTIQA+ rights”. Also, remember that we are working towards a society where being called LGBTIQA+ is not a slur or something to be embarrassed or ashamed about, and where the notion of Pride includes pride in being a supporter of rights for people of all sexualities and genders, regardless of your own sexuality or gender.

7. I do not live in Chennai, but I would like to attend the pride parade/ pride event. I cannot afford to rent a room in a hotel or lodge. Would you be able to arrange for my accommodation?

The coalition does not provide accommodation officially. However, we suggest you explore inexpensive dorm-style accommodation in the area or community members willing to host. If you need help with this, please reach out to us.  The coalition leaves such requests and subsequent negotiations up to the person making the request, and ask that you verify the authenticity and intentions of the person offering accommodation independently. The coalition assumes no liability in this regard.

8. Uff, so many terms! I thought I understood gay and transgender and lesbian. But who are bisexuals? Trans men? Intersex people? Why can’t we just all call ourselves gay and be done with it?

Expecting every non-heterosexual non-cisgender person to identify with the term ‘gay’ makes no more sense than expecting all women to feel included by the term ‘guys’. We are diverse, and the alphabet soup, imperfect as it may be, is an attempt to acknowledge and honour this diversity. To help you along, here is a simple glossary of terms in English and Tamil updated in Jan 2022 and endorsed by the Madras High Court in the Sushma vs. Commissioner of Police case.

9. Our company/organization/cultural commission/consulate would like to send a contingent to the Pride march. How do we do this?

We welcome participants from both non-profit and for-profit groups as well as unaffiliated individuals. If you are a corporation, cultural organization or consulate, and would like to show your support for Chennai Pride, for your LGBTIQA+ employees, and for the principles of diversity and inclusion, you are welcome to send a contingent to the Pride march. You are welcome to wear your company t-shirts and carry placards supporting LGBTIQA+rights. However, learning from the experiences of other Pride marches which have become platforms for product placement and marketing, we respectfully ask that organizations (both for-profit and non-profit) (i) not use the forum to advertise your products whether through ads, banners, pamphlets or leaflets, or handing out freebies (including rainbow flags, t-shirts, keychains, stationery items, etc., with branding of your organization), AND (ii) allow the community groups to march ahead of you.This is non-negotiable. For further questions send us a message.

10. We are a queer/ally non-profit group or collective. Can we march with our group’s banner?

You are welcome to march with banners and placards with general messages about LGBTIQA+ rights. However, no names, logos or other symbols of your CBO, NGO, campus group, or collective on banners, placards, flyers or handouts, please. This is non-negotiable.

11. I would like to participate in the Pride march but I am not out, and do not want to disclose my identity.

Masks will be available at the venue, and you can arrange to pick them up before the media gets there.

12. Is the Pride march venue accessible to people with disability?

People with disabilities are an integral part of our LGBTIQA+ and ally communities. It is our endeavour to make the Pride march as accessible as possible. While the route allotted by the government is not very wheelchair-friendly, we will be happy to arrange cars that can accommodate wheelchairs, if you let us know 7-10 days in advance. Further, if you need sign language interpretation or volunteers to narrate the proceedings as they traverse the pride route with you, please let us know at least a week in advance.

13. What should I do if a member of the press wants to interview me?

It is entirely up to you to give consent, to provide your name, identify as a member or ally of the LGBT community, or not. If you do give consent, and if the press asks you what the purpose of the march is, you can mention some of the points in the Pride press release, that will be available in English and Tamil.

14. Is there a party before or after the Pride march?

The Coalition does not organise parties. However there may be private parties organised by groups not affiliated with the Coalition.  Do look for announcements on Facebook and other social media.

15. I would like to donate to the pride parade/pride events. Whom should I contact?

You can use the below contact form to reach out to us. One of the volunteers from the organising committee will contact you. For faster communication, please leave your contact number. One of the NGOs that is a member of the coalition will be able to provide you details for a NEFT bank transfer or pick up cash and give you a receipt. All donations go strictly towards supplies such as water, stationery for placards, banners, renting spaces for planning meeting, press meets, other Pride-related events, and other logistics including local travel to carry banners and water cans to the venue. Chennai Rainbow / Self Respect Pride is a non-commercial event, funded entirely through donations from our communities and allies.

At this time we are not accepting donations from for-profit businesses, corporate-associated foundations or their CSR wings. However LGBTIQA+ people and allies who are employees of businesses are welcome to donate in their personal capacity. Non-profits and volunteer collectives, whether formal or informal, are welcome to donate as well.

I would like to volunteer/donate for the pride parade/pride events. Whom should I contact?
Please use the Orinam contact form to reach out to us. Depending on the nature of your query we will pass it on to the relevant Coalition member.

*Note: The Chennai Rainbow Pride march and events connected with Chennai Rainbow Pride month organized by the Tamil Nadu Rainbow Coalition and its member groups/collectives/individuals are in no way linked with fundraising attempts that bear the name ‘Chennai International Pride’ or any other brand. In case of queries, please send us a message using the form given below.

If you’re in town, and able to attend, please join us to celebrate this birthday!

Sunday, Dec 26, 2021, 4 – 6 pm
ICSA first floor mini-conference hall
107 Pantheon Road, Egmore
Chennai 600008

For more information, email orinam.net@gmail.com WhatsApp 98415 57983 or visit orinam.net. If you are not able to attend in person because you are not in town or hesitate to join in person because of Covid risk, please join us online for the celebrations, Zoom in at http://tinyurl.com/orinam-18

I met this person on Grindr on Nov 30. He introduced himself as Dr. Smith Christopher. After  chatting on Grindr for a while we moved to WhatsApp. He said he is a radiologist at a hospital in the US.

It started out as a casual chat and flirtation, nothing serious. We didn’t speak much at first… just about his work. Most of the images he shared had him with a stethoscope and mostly in scrubs.
I believed that he is a doctor. He didn’t speak much about hospital stuff except generic comment such as “my day was hectic”.

One day he informed about a hospital party and sent me a photo of a group of people in doctors coats, along with him in the center.

When I asked him like whether he is a Resident or Attending, he said he was a senior staff there.  I told him that I was applying for my graduation in US and all that stuff was getting a bit personal and close. 

Whenever he talked about his travel plans, I asked about covid protocols and he would say he is aware and when I say to him about travel restrictions he said this very confusing thing “We doctors are not included with that…we do travel with special flight”.

Once he  asked me about my financial status and I told him that it is pretty shaky, and then he was like “I will take care of you”,  and said he is paid this much and stuff…

A few rounds of discussion later, he said his birthday was coming up on Dec 30, 2020, and that he would like to spend it here with me in India. I explicitly told him not to. But he said he had some vacation days coming up, and that he could use that to travel. On Dec 15, he said he got his vacation approved and it start on the 17th  will last for a month. His exact words were “It will last for one month but I can only spend two weeks or more with you”.

Then on the morning of Dec 19, he messaged that he would be starting for India the same Saturday 04:25pm US Time. On Dec 21, he said he had reached the International Airport in Delhi, and would take the next flight to Chennai after some security check. Within the next few mins I got a call from an India number. The woman at the other end said she was from the Airport Authority, and asked me to confirm his arrival details. She said that he has brought in a lot of cash  (around USD 375,000) with him which cannot be allowed , and he needs to pay a fine of INR 48,500 as fine

.She said they have ceased the entire amount and I should pay the amount. She gave me an account by the name of Arjun Verma in  Bank of Baroda and I transferred that. After sometime she called me again saying they need to create some certificate for money transfer, and I should pay INR 300,000 to process it. Then she called me and said there might be further questions so we can transfer it to some account and asked for my account. They said they have spoken with the Reserve Bank of India and they are okay to transfer the amount. I gave my account details as well.

Then they said the amount is entirely in US Dollars and needs to be converted to INR before transaction, and asked me to pay around INR 400,000. So by end of day I had paid INR 783,500 split across three accounts. (Bank of Baroda, PNB and IndusInd Bank). They said they would not be able to release him that day and that he would need to tay in airport itself. All these were informed by the lady on 21st December.

The next morning the woman called me and said I needed to pay around some INR 700,000 for tax related items and No Objection Certificates (NOC). I asked him for proof in the form of receipts for payment and he kept saying the authorities would not provide it to him until the process is done. I managed to get some personal loans and paid the amount.

Then they asked for some more money for more NOCs which cost around INR 400,000. I paid that amount over next few days, all to the same three accounts. By end of the third day, they said he was not doing well health-wise, and had developed a fever.

On Dec 23 the woman said she had given him some tablets and ask him to rest. She added that she would be processing his release.  She added that once the NOC was ready, they would go to the bank and  transfer the funds.  Then they called me again asking me to pay a fine of INR 603,000. I didn’t have the money and paid it the next day.

Whenever I asked him to get money from his friends in US, he said “if they know I might lose my job”.  All this time the woman was pressuring me saying this is the last amount and they will release him as soon as possible by Dec 24th because from Dec 25 onwards, the banks will be closed for Christmas.

By Dec 24, when I paid up the amount that had, by then, become INR 900,000,   she said he has been suffering from fever for two days and they get some medical tests done.  She asked me to pay up INR 120,000 and assured me that once the results were out they would go to the bank to sign some documents on Monday, Dec 28,  and he would be free to travel to Chennai.

When I called the woman on Monday, she did not pick up until late that day. In the meanwhile he (Smith) informed me that he needed to pay for the injections that they have been giving him. I called the woman again about it and she said  I need to pay INR 400,000  for that.  She said that he would be in quarantine for a week, and added that she and her team were also in quarantine as they were working with him.

On Wednesday Dec 30, they called me saying the treatment bills needed to be paid and the default cost is INR 580,000, following which the medical team would clear him. So I made that payment on Dec 31st. The woman once again said they will go to the bank on Jan 1, 2021, and complete the procedures.

On Jan 1, the woman said that he is quarantine was done, but as some dates on the paperwork were erroneously mentioned as 2020 and it was  2021, they needed to redo some paperwork, which required INR 375,000. I paid that as well. The next I heard from her was that the signing authority hds gone home early and they couldn’t complete the procedure, so they postponed it to the next day. The next day (Jan 2),  by late afternoon,  she said that the amount needs to insured to be transferred and that I need to pay another INR 200,000. I paid that as well and they pushed It to Monday Jan 4.

On Monday, she reported that  they once again went to bank and signed some documents. By 11:30 she said the procedures in bank was over and the money has been successfully transferred and it will be credited within 24 hrs.

After sometime she called to say that  nother amount of INR 345,000 needs to be paid as airport charges, which I paid the next day.

Then they said that the account needs to be upgraded and needs a refundable deposit of  INR 180,000 which I paid on Wednesday.

By Thursday Jan 7 they said the MOF has blocked the fund transfer and that I need to pay INR 485,000 to get clearance from the Mnistry of Finance. I paid that on Friday and the lady once again said everything is over and that he would be free to go by Saturday Jan 9 morning. She added that she was going on leave.

Smith then messaged me that we need to pay another INR 520,000 for the clearance.

He has not provided me with any documentation or  bills and is not ready to talk with embassy people either.

I have thus far, paid close to INR 52,00,000, by taking personal loans. 

I am not ready to pay anymore.

If you have read Ravi’s piece, please check out Vinay Chandran’s article on the scam here.
Reach out to Swabhava (Bangalore) or Orinam (Chennai) at the contact information provided therein.

The following statement was released at the Press Meet held on Dec 3, 2019, at the Press Club, Chepauk, Chennai. The press meet was held concurrently with a postcard writing campaign addressed to the President of India, asking him not to give his assent to the Bill in its current form.

Click here for Tamil version of the Press Release.

Dec 3, 2019, Chennai:

We transgender community members, allies, and members of the Tamil Nadu Rainbow Coalition, a network of LGBTIQA+ groups, collectives and individuals in the state, express our profound dismay at the passing of the Transgender Rights Bill in the Rajya Sabha. The Bill, that was passed by the Rajya Sabha on Nov 26, 2019, is in gross violation of the Supreme Court of India’s NALSA verdict of 2014, and Articles of the constitution such as Article 21 (Right to Life and Liberty), Article 19(1a) (Right to freedom of speech and expression)

1. The primary violation of NALSA seen in the Transgender Bill 2019 is the principle of self-determination. Although the Transgender Bill 2019 does away with the Screening Committee, granting of transgender identity is based on approval of the District Magistrate who has discretionary powers to deny the application. Additionally, for a transgender person to identify as male or female, proof of surgery is required, which contradicts NALSA.

2. We take strong exception to the provision that the primary caregiver for transgender persons – even adults – should be the biological family, and the only alternative is government-provided rehabilitation facilities. There are two issues with this. One, the biological family is often the primary site of violence against transgender children, and trust in the biological family as primary caregiver is misplaced. Second, the Bill completely ignores alternative family structures within which transgender persons have the constitutional right to stay. An example is the traditional jamaat system that has provided shelter and support to transgender women for centuries. Other examples could be intimate partners, friends, etc.

3. The Bill does not contain any mention of reservations in education and employment for transgender persons. This is also in gross violation of the NALSA verdict.

4. Punishment for assault and other egregious offences against transgender persons is limited to a maximum of two years. This treats transgender persons as inferior citizens in comparison to cis women and children, crimes against whom merit more severe punishement. Additionally, clear operational definitions of stigma and discrimination are needed, to ensure that transgender persons are protected against these, and action is taken against offenders. We, additionally, needed an Act for Prevention of Atrocities against Transgender and Intersex Persons, on the lines of the SC/ST Atrocities Act.

5. The Bill confuses transgender and intersex. The Hindi translation of the Bill uses the term “Ubhayalingi” which means Intersex. While we ask that provisions for intersex persons be included in the Bill, we ask that transgender not be used interchangably with intersex. Most transgender persons do not have differences in sexual development (DSD).

6. Transgender identity cards that recognize the rights of individuals to identify within or outside the binary should be issued in all states, as is the practice in Kerala. These identity cards to encompass transmen, transwomen and third-gender individuals.

7. Transgender women should be brought within the ambit of ‘women’ in the Protection of Women from Domestic VIolence Act (2005), as has been recorgnised by the Oct 2019 ruling of a Delhi magisterial court.

8. Free gender-affirmation surgeries and hormone therapies should be made available across the country for trans men and trans women who need them.

Unless these changes are incorporated, we ask that the Transgender Rights Bill (2019) not be given Presidential assent.

I was buying groceries that my mom had asked me to.

Oh, my mother! Never mind, I will tell her that there was a long line at the billing counter… She might get worried. Maybe I’ll just leave her a text.

“Going to meet a friend, will be late”

You are my friend, right? I suppose not. We do not know each other and barely have any intentions of changing that.

I reach closer to you, in sync, our eyes closing and our lips parting. There is no more talking. Was there any to begin with?

We leave the marks of our fingers and mouths on each others’ skin, mapping the moment we have shared. The marks would take a lot of explaining to do back home, I will figure something out.

We’re done and out of breath. The hormonal rush that our bodies had created is starting to wear off.

Wait, you have brown hair. I’m just noticing that.

I’m tired, but I have to leave and I know you would want the same.

That is what I love about this relationship: we don’t fake it… We don’t pretend to like each other, not anymore than we actually do.

I say goodbye and leave.

After reaching home, I send you a text.

”Had a nice time tonight, thanks :)”
.
.
.

Notes:

• Mujeebur Rahman read this piece at Orinam’s Quilt gathering on Sept 29, 2019 at Semmozhi Poonga in Chennai. To read other articles from his ‘Stories of Intimacy’ series, visit his  Facebook page.
• Cell phone image adapted from Santeri Viinamäki’s original on Wikimedia Commons, licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.
• Image below by the author.

The mixed-methods study was conducted in Chennai, Vellore, Salem, Thanjavur, Tirunelveli, Coimbatore, Trichy and Madurai. It consisted of focus groups with 61 participants, surveys of 371 participants,  eight in-depth interviews and 20 key informant in-depth interviews involving 16 government and private school teachers, two school principals and two officials of Tamil Nadu School Education Department.

Some key findings include:

” Forms of bullying varied according to grade levels – primary, middle/high school or higher secondary. Physical harassment was reported high among middle/high school (60%) and higher secondary (50%) students while sexual harassment was reported high when the participants were primary school students (43%).

“Only 18% said that they had reported incidents of bullying to school authorities, to which authorities responded as follows: 29% were asked to change their perceived feminine mannerism/behaviour to avoid being bullied and 49% were asked to ignore the incidents. Only 53%1 of those who had complained reported that authorities took action against the persons who bullied them.

” About one-third (33.2%) reported that bullying played a key role in discontinuing school. More than three-fifths (63%) reported lowered academic performance while 53% reported having skipped classes.” [Quotes are from the research brief available here]

The study concluded with recommendations for measures to prevent and mitigate bullying such as: monitoring bullying and implementing anti-bulling policies, raising awareness among students and training of teachers on diversity in gender and sexuality, establishing mechanisms of for confidential reporting of bullying, and providing supportive counselling services for survivors of bullying.

The study ‘Be a Buddy, Not a Bully! Experiences of Sexual and Gender Minority Youth in Tamil Nadu’ jointly published by UNESCO New Delhi and the Department of School Education, Government of Tamil Nadu, was released on June 11, 2019 at the Anna Centenary Library.  It was one of the events held in conjunction with Chennai Rainbow Pride 2019. The research brief is available here and the full text of the research study is available here.

Congratulations to Sahodaran and partner groups Thozhi and C-SHARP, and all community members, including research investigators,  who contributed to this important study.

A S L. I was 22, M, Guindy. Sometimes, in other rooms, I was also 23, Female, Guindy, so that I could chat with horny straight men. It gave me a chance to imagine myself to be a completely different person. Language can be a very capacious space, if you allow it. It was fun to pretend to be a woman until they asked “cam2cam?” for the fourth or fifth time and grew impatient. Then I’d leave the room.

Dial-up internet connection. When you clicked “connect” two cute little computer icons in the corner of the screen would start lighting up alternately, a little something moving back and forth between both. Things are so different these days! Now, you can find out that your potential mate is 63 feet away. He may not be into you, but that’s a different sad story.

Those little flickers of light appearing in the two tiny computer icons — like the distant shimmer of two stars — were part of the landscape of our desires in those days. Those little green flickers meant that you could take your secret desires, those stirrings that dared not speak their name,  and launch yourself on to a web that some giant spider had cast all over the world.

If those little flickers of light did their work, within a matter of seconds you could be asking, “Have place? Want to meet?” to a man, a stranger, who might then appear on a grainy webcam that shows the paint peels on the walls of the internet center he is at more clearly than his face. But the cam would be clear enough for you to see his eyes darting around to make sure no one around him was watching him, his hands undoing the top button of his shirt to show you his chest hair because, well, you asked to see it. If you liked him, you could plan to meet. Where? That was the problem. Even heterosexual couples had to hide themselves under flimsy umbrellas in the blazing heat of marina beach. They were often chased away by cops, bothered by cheeky little boys who would pester them to buy sundal. But we’d meet anyway. Somehow. Some place.

But sometimes we didn’t meet. That little glimpse of a real person on the grainy, blurry web-cam, seeing him type something there and seeing the words appear on your screen: “You like to suck?” was sometimes just enough. Enough to get off on, I mean. Just the glimpse of a potentiality, that someone out there, perhaps just a ride away on 45B or 23C, who was eager for you to suck him off, was good enough. Or perhaps that was just me. Maybe it was only my sex life that was so pathetic!

Anyway. On that summer afternoon, I was waiting online for a specific entity – TallGuy1890. I had chatted with him a few times earlier. He’d said he was in Hyderabad, so there was no danger that he might as me to meet him right away. I had ended my previous chat with him abruptly, because he had started talking to me about a support group for gay and bisexual men in Chennai, an online forum which also had periodic offline presence. He was a part of it, and he asked me if I wanted to know more. I was both excited and terrified at the prospect. So I ended the chat quickly.

But that week, I was desperate for a sign of hope. I was plumbing the great depths of depression. I was in that particularly painful place where I really wanted to kill myself but did not have the courage to do it. I used to hate myself for that cowardice, but now I think it is the best kind of cowardice. I am very glad now that I used to be that kind of coward.

Anyway, TallGuy1890 entered the chat room, and I pinged him on a separate chat window. I told him I wanted to know about the support group he had mentioned. He told me about Orinam, which used to be Movenpick/MP then. I created a new yahoo ID, with a new fake name, and subscribed to the group.

A lot has happened in the last 14 years since I entered that support space both online and offline. New friendships happened. Some of them fizzled out. Relationships happened. Some of them fizzled out, too. Activism happened. Community engagement happened. Withdrawal happened. But one thing has been constant since I found this community — I never feel alone. I might feel lonely. I think that is part of the human condition. But I never feel I have to encounter life situations alone. And you know what else? Through community, I also learned what it means to matter to others. Not to a whole lot of people. To a handful. It is amazing to know we really matter to a few people, isn’t it?

That’s the greatest gift this small queer world has given me. And I am forever grateful for that.

And, oh, I did meet TallGuy1890 in person.

Did we have sex?

It is none of your business!

Notes:
1. This piece was first shared at Orinam’s Chennai Pride 2018 edition of Quilt: June 17, 2018, and is being published in conjunction with Orinam’s 15th anniversary celebrations on December 25, 2018.

2. Image credits: Author: BSGStudio from all-free-download.com. 

On Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR), Nov 20, 2018, we at Orinam honour the memory of Anannya Krishnan.

Anannya, a transgender woman, reached out to us in 2016 and joined one of our online groups, Gender Euphoria. Over the months, she grew more and more confident with disclosing and living in her true gender. She also emerged as a source of support to other young transgender people.

A pharmacologist by training,  she managed to land a corporate job  as a Drug Safety Associate: a job at which she was able to be out in the workplace.

She signed on to Sampoorna’s Open Letter of Sept 23, 2017 to the Parliamentary Standing Committee on the Transgender Persons Bill,  gave a public talk (TEDxNapierBridgeWomen, Nov 5, 2017,  and also spoke at a British Council panel discussion on Diversity and Inclusion on Dec 9, 2017, representing Orinam.

Her struggles to find a place to live, and the strife within her family, proved too much to handle, and she took her life on Dec 30, 2017.

On this day, TDOR 2018, Orinam and Diversity Dialogues dedicate our guide Transgender-Affirming Guidelines for Indian Workplaces to the memory of Anannya.

Anannya’s TEDxNapierBridgeWomen talk may be viewed below.

Note:
Some resources including suicide helplines are at https://new2.orinam.net/crisis-support

Anirudh, a community member, is currently pursuing his Master’s degree in clinical psychology from Christ University (deemed), Bangalore.

His research paper, as part of the course, looks into personality traits of cis LGB individuals. The research study has received ethics approval, as per APA norms, from the Institutional Review Board.

The study seeks to affirm community experiences, and does not pathologise homosexuality or bisexuality in any manner.

Anirudh seeks participants (18 and above) located in Chennai and Bangalore, who are willing to participate in this study.  Participation involves answering a questionnaire that would take about 20-30 minutes of the respondent’s time.  The questionnaire can be administered in English, Tamil, Kannada, Malayalam or Hindi.

Please contact Anirudh at anirudhrajan18796@gmail.com or +91 72598 15442 if you are willing to take part in this study, or have any queries about it.

The English version of the interview can also be taken online by clicking this link.