Velu’s Coming Out Story

Velu talks about his attraction to men in this story

I prepared the ground work to tell my sister several months before I came out in December last year. Whenever I used to talk to her on phone I used to drop hints to her that I am not much interested in marriage. Initially she used to make jokes that I am kidding and I would end up marrying even before her marriage (which was to take place within a few months then ). She even joked the fact that my dad used to be sceptic of me spending so much of my time with my college mate who was my neighbor and happens to be a girl ( You will have to see my dads face when she leaves my home !!!… I simply enjoy his suspicion and anger !!! ). But I knew that I am not going to allow her to treat it as a joke . So I kept dropping hints very once in a while. I don’t know why girls are smart ( yes they are believe me !!). She started to notice my talking patterns and asked me whats bothering me. I wanted her to fall for my trick and she also knew that I am setting the trap. So when I finally went
to India for her marriage last summer she talked to me to a ‘CBI investigation’. I initially joked to her that I am not going to be burdened with marriage. But she did look into my eyes and asked earnestly. I did for one moment want to tell her, but I stopped myself saying that there is a reason for it and this is not the right time for me to tell her. We agreed to discuss it later and I assured her that I will take care of myself and be happy- which is the thing she wanted.

In the mean time my boy friend started to call me every other day while I was in India ( he still says that I owe him tons of money for the calls he made !) . In addition while I am moving around visiting relatives giving marriage invitations he used to call my sisters cell phone which I ‘abased’ :). So she ended up picking up most of the time when he called. The suspicion was not only to my sister but to my other cousins who where wondering why one should call all the way from the US very often and speak for so long. I guess I did want my sister to understand that something is happening and she duly understood what was happening which she revealed it later.

It was almost nearly nine months since I started the entire operation. Since I was working on my thesis work I ended up working till 4am in the morning in my lab. Before dozing at my lab I just called to say ‘hi’ to my sister on the phone. She suddenly asked me that its time I revealed to her whats been bothering me for long. Since my parents were away from home that day she asked me to talk frankly. Initially I asked her whether she knows what I am going to say. She did reply that she does thinks she knows but she doesn’t want to err wrongly and asked me to tell. She then said that she would love me irrespective of what I am. Then I gave her a long list of my restrictions : please hear to me patiently, I hope you would still love me, Please ask me as many questions, don’t feel guilty and don’t cut the call abruptly !

Then I uttered my words. I said to her that in long run I see me living with a guy rather than a girl because I was never physically attracted to girls. I was pleasantly surprised when she took it remarkably well and peacefully. Then she started to ask questions . The first one why am I feeling this way and am I sure that this is something that is permanent. She then asked whether I was sure about it because she never felt that I anytime acted like that. She also asked me whether some one had forced me to ‘change’. She also asked me whether it happened just because I went to the US. Then the topics went on to several other personal questions including whether it was my upbringing ( including my mom and my sister ) to blame. I patiently but with confidence answered all her questions. She even joked at the end saying that I had convincing answers for all her questions that she could logically accept but cant take it down easily. However she said that she will still love me and said
me to do whatever brings happiness to me. She however cautioned to me not to inform parents anytime as she felt that will affect them.

Though I was very glad that my sister was very supportive her comment in regard to my parents made me feel hurt. I very much wanted my parents to know an important part of me. The saying -Time is the best medicine, is quite true. Its nearly two months that me and my sister started to discuss more and more on this issue. She even spoke to a sister of my friend who is gay and she felt quite supportive. Soon she also talked to my boyfriend and she felt very glad for me. Since then she has since warmed up so well that she got clothes for us together for my birthday ! I can wait to get to see it ! She even last weekend told me that I could tell my parents someday about myself when they bring up the whole issue of marriage. I was quite thrilled her to say those words !!