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  1. It is hard to say anything here without understanding the circumstances of this young man’s marriage. How much of a say did he have in that decision? How much of relentless pressure did he face from family members and others; how much of emotional blackmail such as “I want to hold my grandchild in my arms before I die” and why are you being so selfish”, etc.? What is his community like? What is his environment like? Did he have younger sisters whose own impending weddings could have been affected adversely if he had chosen to remain unmarried or if he had revealed his orientation? How would his family and others have reacted to his admission regarding his orientation? We don’t know. Whatever we say in retrospect would only be speculation.

    The simple fact remains that this young man is not some kind of cowardly exception who chose to get married and then conveniently escaped through suicide. There are countless gay men in India who have found themselves in a similar unfortunate position, hounded by family, friends and society into marriage, then living loveless, unhappy lives with their spouses or getting divorced within a short time, and who must also have contemplated suicide more than once. Countless women’s lives have been destroyed simply because of our society’s ignorance and intolerance in this matter.

    I can understand the trauma he must have gone through before his death. Few people seem to understand how much of courage it takes to commit suicide. Few people may realise that one of the biggest fears of someone attempting suicide is, “What if I survive the attempt or am revived by some well-meaning busybody, but in the process end up crippled, brain damaged, etc. and have to live out the rest of my life in shame and agony?” It is only the thought of the greater pain that they would have to otherwise endure that pushes them to suicide which they perceive as the lesser pain. No doubt he would have agonised over his family’s loss at his ultimely death. It is possible he managed to convince himself that he was actually sparing his wife the greater pain of a lifelong meaningless marriage or divorce.

    What we see here is the importance of educating our younger generations on sex and sexuality so that future generations of “sexuality minorities” do not suffer in this way. We need to help our young people understand themselves and to accept and respect themselves and to be able to articulate their views, opinions and needs, and to stand up for themselves instead of succumbing to external pressures.